The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Randomize
