I heard we made out
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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