i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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