Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Terrible idea I love it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
