Where did you get a picture of my penis
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
