in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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