I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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