watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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