I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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