I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize