It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
