If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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