Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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