bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
