worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
