Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize