I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
