isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
