his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
