I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This baby is an asshole
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
