Define "chronic" masturbator.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize