she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
