his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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