I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize