at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
