it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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