Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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