For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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