Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How does one acquire holy water?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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