Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
