1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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