craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His nipple licking is glorious
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