my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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