guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
