omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
