when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
