So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
