found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize