i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize