Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
