ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
