i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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