is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
