I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize