He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
