dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
