my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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