Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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