I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
