Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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