He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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