I'm passing your future prison.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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