My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
