Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
