Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
