Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
