I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
