You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
