But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
