while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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