I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
