you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
