my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
