Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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