yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
