Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
