Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
